I don’t know if it has something to do with getting older or finally just realizing that it’s more important how I take care of and treat myself than how others do, but lately, my bullshit meter for things has hit rock bottom.
While I have a ton of flaws, one of the biggest that I’ve seen in myself is a constant need to put everyone above myself. Need a shoulder to lean on, I’m around. Want someone who will put your feelings above their own, well, I’m your girl.
And while I’ve been that girl for oh.so.freakin.long, I need it to end. Don’t get me wrong, if you’re my friend or if you really need my thoughts/shoulder/advice, I’ll do what I can to help. But it needs to stop happening at the expense of myself. No more giving up my feelings because someone thinks theirs are more important or need to be heard more. Less time checking in on everyone else and more time checking in on my own family.
Basically, I just need more time for me. And what matters in my life.
I have this thing where I watch old Grey’s Anatomy on a loop. The drama, the funny factor, the relationships they all have with each other — I just freakin’ love that show. But, the other day, I reached the part where Cristina and Meredith are on the outs with one another. And you know what I love the absolute most about the way it was portrayed? Each of them was true to themselves. While they may have said some mean things to each other — hello, anger does that sometimes — they said what they needed to because they cared about themselves first.
And y’all, we need more of that.
We need more days where we shut down our phones and don’t focus on everyone else’s lives. There should be more times where we say no without feeling bad for doing so — and without giving an explanation for why. We just need to care more about ourselves more often.
And just as I put all these thoughts down, I came across this perfect tweet:
“self care isn’t always lush bath bombs and $20 face masks. sometimes, it’s going to bed at 8 PM or letting go of a bad friend. it’s forgiving yourself for not meeting your impossible standards and understanding you are worth it. self care isn’t always luxury, but a mean for survival.”
So you know what, friends, from now on, I’m choosing me. I’ll be the one turning my phone to do not disturb at 9 PM and not answering a single call or text until I feel like it. I’ll be one of those people cleaning out my Facebook friends list because, let’s be real, I don’t even know a bunch of people on there. You’ll find me reading more books, drinking more hot cocoa, and soaking up more of the magical moments with my little human instead of focusing on how everyone else’s lives are progressing.
Because, it’s finally time that I realize I deserve a healthy does of self-love.