They say it takes a village to raise a kid…well folks, they are right. For those of us who don’t have a village around us, raising a kid can be a lonely road.
It wasn’t until I had Sofia that I really understood what stay-at-home Moms or Dads would mean when they would talk about “needing a break.” But now, I get it. Oh, boy, do I really get it.
When people ask me about being a SAH Mom, the first thing they jump into is how I’m ‘just living the life.‘ All they see is how nice it must be that I don’t have to get up and go to work from 9 – 5, how fantastic it must be that I get to nap when the baby naps, how great it is that I can be home all day…ahhhhh, alllll the goodness.
But here’s the thing about being a SAH parent:
We do go to work. Only our work goes from 9 am – 5 pm and then again from 5 pm – 9 am the next day. Not only with the baby, but also with making sure the household is taken care of, that everyone is fed, showered, and happy.
I only wish I could take naps. But I’m a terrible napper & when LB finally knocks out, that’s the time I have to eat something, or use the bathroom, or even sit for 10 minutes and breathe.
I have a laundry list of things that need to get done. And often, I don’t get around to finishing it all, which ends up with the list growing longer by the day.
My brain hurts from white noise, The Wheels on the Bus, and all the shushing. I literally turn the TV on in the background with old shows just so I can have some other noise to listen to.
My arms are tired from rocking & bouncing. I love soothing Sofia. She is the sweetest little girl in the world. But, you guys, sometimes I want to just SIT & not do any of those things.
Baby voice talking is driving me nuts. All that goo-goo-gaa-gaa-ing is making me start to think that I really don’t know how to use real words anymore.
I am beyond exhausted. I’m a nursing mom. One who doesn’t make enough of a supply to fill bottles & bottles for Sofia to have if I can’t feed her, which means that when Sofia wants to nurse, I’m up — even if that means being up at 1 am, 2 am, 3 am and onwards all night. So when I say “I’m exhausted,” I truly mean it with all that is in me.
On top of making sure we’re doing all the above, we do it with little conversation with other adults. I can easily go a whole day not speaking [texting isn’t the same as actual talking] to someone my age or in my position unless I make a super concentrated effort to get to the gym, or call my parents, or seek out speaking to a friend, or until Amir finally walks through the door after work.
At the end of the day, it boils down to this — I’m lonely.
I miss going to work and having people to chat with. I miss having my brain be busy because it’s being used [for other things that go beyond singing Wheels on the Bus, hah]. I miss being spoken with.
Don’t get me wrong — I love being a Mama. It’s the single most rewarding thing I’ve ever done in my life. I’m so lucky & thankful that I get to be a stay-at-home and spend time with LB as she grows up, but that doesn’t take away from the lonely road I sometimes feel I’m traveling down. So while I continue to be a SAHM, I’ll keep battling the loneliness. I’ll keep putting myself out there so I can slowly build that village around me & hope that one day soon, I’ll feel a little more in the loop and a little less lonely.
To the other lonely Mamas: I completely understand your feelings. I know not everyone gets it, but please know, I’m here for you if you ever need me to be. We can rant & rave together and be each other’s sounding board & maybe save some sanity for ourselves, haha.